Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
