next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He uses pillows to masturbate.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I am available for nakedness
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
