i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
