careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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