my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
