I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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