My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
