idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
