ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
