he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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