he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
