do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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