Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize