____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
