Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
