even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
