it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
