I wish I could teleport
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
