apparently the secret to your success is patron
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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