We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
