You just made me feel so damn special
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
