Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
