i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
