I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
