The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you had me at cake vodka
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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