Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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