Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
