i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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