why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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