Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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