I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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