I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
