since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
