like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
