people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
