Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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