even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize