and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
