I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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