Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
