Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We got so high we made milksteak
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
