Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
