Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
