what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
