I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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