Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Farmville is her only friend.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
