Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
