in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
