Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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