Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
