I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
