Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
