Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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