May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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