the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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