My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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