next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
