I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
