I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
