I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
