Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
