I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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