Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
