Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
