Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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