We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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