man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
