Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
