apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
