apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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