From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How external is "for external use only"?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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