very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
