I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
