She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
