Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
