sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
